One of the most frustrating things about diabetes is that even once you have managed to get out on top and get a run of good control, it can still throw you a curveball that manages to make you feel terrible, both physically and emotionally.
I’ve been trying, *hard*, to keep my BGs in line. Obviously there are days where I’ve semi-fallen off the wagon, but that’s mostly been as a result of circumstance rather than because I’ve gotten lazy. During the weeks I’ve been controlling my carb intake with a fanatic level of attention to detail, counting up tenths of grams in order to work out my bolus jabs to try as much as possible to keep myself on target.
Doing everything right, and still getting poor outcomes is such a dispiriting and demotivating experience.
This week, for example, on Monday night I slept really badly, woke up high and then fought all day to bring it down – and only managed to get back on an even keel on Wednesday lunchtime. There are few things worse then following all the advice and all the rules, and still feeling like you’re getting it wrong.
In these situations I think that the most important thing you can do is also the hardest. It’s all about reminding yourself that there’s more to life than an on-target BG. It’s absolutely right that you should try to have more on target than off, and that if they’re persistently off that you should figure out what needs to change and change it. But when you’re hitting your targets more often than not, cut yourself some slack.
Almost a month into my latest attempt to get good at this, my 30-day average is 8.5. In that time I’ve been on a stag weekend, and engaged in a variety of other activities that normally don’t play nice with good BG control. I’m really proud of that, and if I can keep this up, I’ll be on for a really decent HbA1c in August when I next go to clinic.
The longview is almost always more helpful. Sometimes the negatives stand out more than the positives – but even just stepping back to look at the last two weeks objectively – I’m pretty pleased that I’ve been able to do all the things I need to do, plus manually manage my glucose metabolism. And people say I can’t multi-task…